Just had the worst job interview ever? Read these responses to interviewers' questions before deciding.

4 June 2018

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Attending job interviews is one of the most stressful things we will do. We all worry about making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, or freezing and forgetting even the most basic things like who we’ve worked with before or the name of a software programme we’re supposedly an expert in.

Many of us will rehearse for days beforehand to make sure we have precise and perfectly worded responses to all the questions we think might come up. Then we’re thrown by the very first question and we never recover.

As a Glasgow-based recruitment agency, we've heard some corkers in our time and, if it’s any consolation, there's a long history of people who have messed up in front of a row of sombre-looking interviewers who look like they couldn’t smile if their lives depended on it.

To make you feel a little better about yourself, here are some of the most unusual responses to interview questions reported by interviewers in the Glasgow jobs market. So, the next time your polishing your shoes, ready to face the dreaded interview panel, remember you could hardly do worse than these.   

1. Q: Why did you leave your last job?
A:
“My boss was a twat.”

2. Q: What are your hobbies and interests?
A:
“I’m a bit of a ladies’ man. But I always wear a condom.”

3. Q: Do you have any questions?
A:
“If I get the job, how long is it before I’ve got to take the drug test?

4.  Q: Why should we hire you?

A: “I get on well with people. Unless they wind me up. But they only ever do it once.”
5. Q: Why do you want to work for us?
A:
“You get longer holidays than where I am now.”

6. Q: What are your assets? (as in strengths)
A:
“I’ve got my own motorbike.”

7. Q: What are your weaknesses?
A:
“I can get a bit violent when I’m pished.”

8. Q: When have you demonstrated leadership skills?
A:
“I ran the kitty on my mate’s stag night.”

9. Q: Use three adjectives to describe yourself

A: “I hate these questions cos I can never think of anything.”

10. Q: What is your current notice period?
A:
“I don’t need to give any notice cos I got the sack.”

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